Old School

All I have to say is Heck Yea!! Freakin brought me to tears! Sigh, I'm old.

Skirting the Wasteland

Feeling out my new digs, I went walking today. Not much of a trek, maybe a mile, but enough of a journey to experience the blight at my doorstep. Inviting colors drew me towards it, the air thick with the sounds of urban traffic. Smells of coffee and fried delicacies swept the streets carried by the afternoon breeze. And before I realized it, I was face with a hell of Dantean proportions. I gawked as zombies crept along the sidewalks clutching paper sacks from Guess and Aeropostale. I shuddered as devils peddled happiness served in Starbucks cups. I gaped in horror as brooding suburban teens smoked cigarettes outside the Lucky Strike Bowling Alley. This, my friends, is the pit of trendiness known as Bel Mar.

Located in the heart of Lakewood, and two blocks from my place, the Bel Mar is a place where well to do people take their well to do families to drown their sorrows in an orgy of commercialism. The can buy their cell phones, jewelry, hip threads, and space age toys. And when they are overcome with the shopping frenzy, they can refresh and refuel at any of a number of pricey restaurants, washing down their fatty meats (or more likely asian chicken salads with pesto and raspberry vinagrette) with grande iced machiattos, reenergizing for yet another thrust into store-bought ecsatsy. Once their thirst for trinkets is slated, they will return once more to their luxurious tombs to open their Prada and leave cans filled with packaging on the curb.

It is a flashy concrete desert, and is still under construction. I suppose I shall tolerate it. It should raise the price of my condo nicly.

I'm not so sure I should even post this

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

"How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

This one's for my bro. Happy wedding no. 2!

So, how's my Sinead costume? I decided against a dress. I'm sure this makes you sad. Get over it.

I think the world would be a better place if only it had more cowbell.

I just love interesting graffiti. This is on a truck trailer near my place.

I used it to try out the mobile blog dealy. I can now blog on the go! Whoopee!

I stole this from some hoser. Start at 1 and put a number next to each movie you've seen. I guess if you get to 70, you have no life. I got to 80. How sad.






(1) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(2) Grease
(3) Pirates of the Caribbean
(4 ) Boondock Saints
( ) The Mexican
(5) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(6) Neverending Story
(7) Blazing Saddles
(8) Airplane
(9) The Princess Bride
(10) Young Frankenstein
(11 ) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
(12) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Saw
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
(12) Jason X
( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(13) American Pie
(14) American Pie 2
(15) American Wedding
(16) Harry Potter
(17) Harry Potter 2
(18) Harry Potter 3
( ) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(19) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(20) Donnie Darko
( ) Lilo & Stitch
(22) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) 13 Ghosts
(23) Signs
( ) The Grinch
(24 ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original)
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) Thirteen Going on 30
(25) I, Robot
( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(26) Universal Soldier
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
(27) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(28 ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
(29) Halloween
(30) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
(31) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(32) Practical Magic
(33) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(34) From Hell
(35 ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(36) I Am Sam
(37) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
(38) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(39) Nightmare on Elm Street
(40) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(41) Seven
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(41) Predator I
(42) Predator II
(43) Independence Day
(44) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(45) Christine
(46) ET
(47) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(48) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways (49) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(50) Forrest Gump
(51) Big Trouble in Little China
(52) X-Men
(53) X-2: X-Men United
(54) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(55) Catch Me If You Can
(56) The Others
( 57) Freaky Friday (the original)
(58) Reign of Fire
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
(59) Old School
( ) Ray
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(60) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(61) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(62) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
( ) Hitch
(63) The Fifth Element
(64) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(65) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(66) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(67) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(68) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(69) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi
(70) Troop Beverly Hills
(71) Swimming with Sharks
(72) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(73) Trainspotting
(74) People Under the Stairs
(75) Blue Velvet
(76) Sound of Music
(77) Parent Trap 1 (the original)
(78) Parent Trap 2
(79) The Burbs
(80) The Terminator
( ) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black

Holy Hometown, Batman!

Today's Zippy is in Denver! That big bear peers into the convention center downtown! How exciting is that?!?!

Ah, Whimsy!

I must say I am greatly amused by Babelfish. As I may have said before, it's alot of fun to put some english text in, tranlate it to japanese, and then back into english. The results have been consistantly strange and hilarious. In a wierd way. Well, it cracks me up, which may not do anything for anybody else acording to certain friends of mine. But I have decided, mostly out of boredom, to share this with you. I present to you the entire tale of Kitty and The Flame as translated by Babelfish.




As for anonymous quidnunc you thought that (the calendar of word day thank you) bro of my most love and that we would like to know the story of the being broken eye between the companion before the imbalance chemically. Therefore this the queer story, requires the example. As for that the enemy of their non- 倶 戴 heaven, the hell where it strikes under the reason (as for that the common knowledge that is) succubi can call the other ogre to their help, the companion before the earlier description which creative ones which are called from depth is united is described. The beer swilling bystander who does not become aware in gravity of state makes the foolish attitude for the camera. As for him afterwards disemboweled.

In order I am best and for I to be able to do, this yarn is sent with relay. The name which is in order to protect the innocent person changed.

The sibling of McStudly of the spear from here being known, through that mother who knows her from work as "the flame" met to the kitty. The kitty first the girl it is good at first glance, and fairly was the pleasure which should pass the time. She when so it is really broken it is, joke being enjoyed, likes the fact that it inhales the tobacco, the ひ っ chestnut does not obtain the bit in order to return. She still started sending information and many many items of information pleasantly concerning her plural diseases which are the girl straw raincoat like her even afterwards with relay.
The flame took the taste really in her, those started entering date. As for him those had, when that she truth seems "with 1 year old. It was the spear and "concerning the characteristic of the whimsical monkey completely he said before this, therefore the fact that the spear barely hides skeptical theory, however supports that sibling was tried. As for that the kitty or the flame as for directly neurosis conformity of dementia it was not moved to those which are certain, together before.
This is when thing... starting to keep being warped. When the house del of La Fuego is placed, you grasped from the friend feet of the kitty and her 17 cat courses concerning their medical science, and social problem pulled tore with the furniture and, started urinating with thing. It was good, the honest place, everything which is not 17 cats it was in peeing. He, only 4 months for flame took that in order to decide that the perhaps, very large mistake was made.
Clear, in another place, and that epiphany after those, perhaps it becomes the blind person to exclude the kitty from that skill weaving/grade of the flame which in wise decision was made it moved at first glance. The flame was restricted to town, the kitty returned to her home of Milwaukee. Then support in town. Then support in Milwaukee. She this, repeated the cat, at least, once more and disappeared next from life of the spear and the flame.
Between life of the flame you did not take that long in the return to normalcy. He could enjoy 18 monthly this. Then the call started, that thought of image of happiness of the kitty was infected once more with that side depending upon the poison which flowed from telephone reciever to that ear. Characteristic of the whimsical monkey well and image. And so, even in the statement of the spear in spite, as for the kitty as for waltzed and fear, it started for the second time in the apartment of the flame by her familial tension and unemployment being burnt.
As for the next 3 months there is the vicinity of indescribable. After consuming many alcohol, giving humiliation to the spear, keeping distance that friend, were 2 parties in the kind of place which goes to the length where she is splendid. As for 2nd rather than being distant, many gradiose and, and originating in dramatic 2nd greatly, destruction. This included the flame which Kitty tightened from that apartment. He the night, being finished in regard to the movement from Ma and Pa to the kitty, her of the gear is slow, you obtained, but know crossing you inserted with her monopolized ones. It came very, it is not.

This is in the place where it ends, for the present. She went out almost 1 year completly, but recently you show the face of disturbance with the spear, commute the taste of the flame. Perhaps her hang on in the flame. Perhaps, she should call the moth. Perhaps and so... there are many which come...



Ha ha! That shit's funny, isn't it, Sean?

This one goes out to my new friends

Well, I'm not sure they're friends. They're names are Kala474jerrica and trinity31marquis, and they are using my blog to advertise some crappy lumber company. "Buy their stock" they say. "Fabulous hard wood" they say.

THIS BLOG IS NOT A FORUM TO ADVERTISE YOUR STOCK! We've got enough fabulous hard wood stalk around here! We don't need yours.

If I could delete their comments, I would. You wanna post ads, do that on your own blogs. Oh wait, I see the flaw in that. You want to put it someplace where there is a chance of people reading it. I won't let you take advantage of me, or my actual friends and readers, like that.

And granny's got my back. You DON'T want to face her wrath.

All the cool kids are doing it.

be sorted @ nimbo.net


I so wanted to be in Slytherin. But the hat has spoken. And Ravenclaw it is. Just like that weeny Cho Chang. You know she's a weeny because not only can she put up with Harry's whining, she actually LIKES him.

Professional Karaoke, Here I Come

Last night, the gang and I went to The Outback Saloon in Boulder for their karaoke contest. This one had a $10 entry fee, first time there's been a fee. Prize money, I presume. Anyway, I tied for first place! I'm so psyched! The final is August 31 at the same dive. Yes, it's a dive. Kate commented that in the swanky town of Boulder, full of hip and happening clubs and bars, I was able to find the one dive. What the hey, I like dives. So homey.
Well, I have a fair amount of confidence about the finals. Bob says the one thing I need to work on is stage presance. I can't argue. Maybe if I find a pair of stylish pants without pockets I'll do better. But with the singing of my "special song" I always knock 'em dead. Oh yea! I can say it because it's true. (My head isn't too big... yet)
Until next time, Laird, the prima donna, signing out.

The Lady On My Right Arm

I guess not all of you know that I got a new tattoo. It's actually about 4 months old now. Got it at Bolder Ink in, um, Boulder. (The site hasn't been updated since October '03) But if you're in the area and feel the need to permanantly scar yourself, that's definatly the place to do it. They are nice, and it felt less like I was paying a biker to shoot ink into my arm than it felt like I was commisioning an artist to paint the canvas that is my body. There was concept drawings and everything.

P.S. Ma doesn't like it.

The Death of Romance

Match.com Is starting to get a little depressing. I'm trying to have a positive outlook about it, but it's kind of trying. The women who advertise on the site are of course looking for their dream guy. This is unfortunately not a working class wiener with a state job. It's a doctor or movie star. Listen to me, single moms. You are not going to find a man who makes 100k a year on an internet dating site. They do not need it. "My daughter is the most important thing to me, along with your wallet." If they aren't looking for a doctor, they are looking for a vegetarian who doesn't smoke. Then there are the few who appear compatible. They have cute photos, like tattoos, and don't seem to care about income. Very interested in sense of humor. They are just not interested in answering e-mails. (pessimism alert) Even if they did, they'd probably want me for a big sister, anyway. I am honest and a listener, which makes me the guy that girls like to dump their problems on, but I'm not gonna beat them up, so I am uninteresting in a romantic sense. (end pessimism)
Things are gonna get better, I'm sure. It's just having gone 15 month's without the touch of a female is a little trying. If I was a virgin, I'm sure I'd be fine what with not knowing what I was missing. But I do know. And I miss it. It's making me wierd, and It's getting old.

I know my perfect woman is out there, just hope she's closer than Budapest.

Alot of you have been bugging me for some, so here ya go. All for you.

Don't say I never selflessly gave of myself for you. Because now you know that would be a lie.

Drink deeply, and know I am with you.

Hey you kids!!

GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

Damn whippersnappers.

The Sordid Tale of Kitty and the Flame

Some anonymous quidnunc (thank you word-a-day calendar) wanted to know the story of the break up between my beloved bro and his chemically imbalanced former mate. This is a bizarre story and therefore requires an illustration. It depicts said former mate teamed up with a creature summoned from the depths of hell (it is common knowledge that succubi are able to summon other demons to their aid) striking down their mortal enemy, Reason. A beer-swilling bystander, unaware of the gravity of the situation, makes a silly pose for the camera. He was later disemboweled.

I will relay this yarn as best I can. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.



Lance McStudly's brother, from here out known as "The Flame", met Kitty through his mother who knew her from work. Kitty was a nice girl at first glance, and fairly fun to hang out with. She liked to smoke, enjoyed a joke, and wouldn't get a bit upset if she were really broke. Even after she began relaying information about her several ailments, much too much information, she still seemed a fun girl.

The Flame really took a liking to her, and they began dating. He told Lance all about the freaky monkey sex they had, and that she was likely to be "the one." He had said this before, so Lance harbored a bit of skepticism, yet tried to support his brother. It wasn't long before Kitty and The Flame, in what certainly was a neurotic fit of dementia, moved in together.

This is when things began to go...awry. From the moment Kitty and her seventeen feline companions set foot in la casa del Fuego, they began to gripe about their medical and social problems, claw at the furniture, and pee on things. Well, to be honest, not all seventeen cats were into peeing. It took only 4 months for the Flame to decide that he had, perhaps, made a very big mistake.

Following his epiphany, or perhaps blinding glimpse of the obvious, The Flame made the wise decision to exclude Kitty from his exploits, and they moved into separate places. The Flame stayed in town, and Kitty moved back to her hometown of Milwaukee. Then back to town. Then back to Milwaukee. She repeated this, cats in tow, at least once more, and then vanished from the lives of Lance and The Flame.

It didn't take long for The Flame's life to return to normalcy. He was able to enjoy this for 18 months. Then the calls began, and the poison that flowed from the telephone reciever into his ear tainted his thoughts with images of bliss with Kitty once again at his side. Oh, and also images of freaky monkey sex. And so, despite Lance's protestations, Kitty waltzed back into The Flame's apartment, and the horror began again, kindled by her familial tensions and unemployment.

The following three months are near indescribable. The were two parties where, after consuming too much alcohol, she seemed to go to great lengths to humiliate Lance and alienate his friends. The second was far more gradiose and resulted in the second, and much more dramatic, breakup. This involved The Flame locked out of his apartment by Kitty. He was able to get in that night, but ended up moving in with Ma and Pa until Kitty got her ass in gear and got out on her own. Very messy.

This is, so far, where it ends. She completly disappeared for nearly a year, but recently has made disturbing appearances at Lance's and The Flame's favorite haunts. She may even be stalking The Flame. Perhaps she should be called The Moth. And so there may be more to come...

Well, I'll be dipped!

I guess I can upload images to my blog now. No idea how long that's been going on, but this picture I found sums up my feelings on this issue. I thought I'd use it because the guy in this picture is, how you say, dead sexy. I don't usually go for dudes, but this guy, DAMN!

You want an update? Here's your bleedin' update!!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Haven't got any good reason, just haven't gotten around to it. Been to busy being a whiner, not that anyone would notice. I mostly just whine at myself. The reason is that I'm lovesick. I guess you could call it that. I guess when you're in a relationship for 6 years, you can start to take it for granted. The ol' "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" shtick. So recently I've been feeling like a smack head without a needle. I need a fix, Johnny, and bad. Thing is, I had a steady connection for so long, I've kinda lost my street cred. Even if I find a source, I'm too damn timid to make the connection. Whatever. I've probably been looking the wrong places anyway. Ma always says I won't find a nice girl in a bar. (Wait, was that Ma, or Amanda?)
Well, anyway, because of this quandry, I went and put a profile up on match.com. I figure with the way I work, especially when looking into a pair of pearly blues, I have better chances if we've kind of talked a little first. I've gotten poor results so far, but I'm blaming the fact that I haven't actually subscribed yet, so I am unable to recieve, or send, e-mail. Once I do that come payday, hopefully I will get better results. Right now, all I am able to do is send and recive "winks." That is, when you see somebody's profile you like, you send them a wink to let them know you are interested without actually having to come up with words in a letter. It drops them a line in their e-mail letting them know who did the winking, with a link to their profile and the option to return or refuse the wink. (Betsy and I tested it out. She made a mock profile just to play with me.) Well, it has opened the gateway to unspeakable horror.
Perhaps I am over reacting. I've sent winks to a few girls, 5 or 6, with the only results being 1 refusal, and a slap in the face by fate. I winked at her on tuesday evening. She was an itriguing blond with striking eyes and a tatoo fetish. "What harm could come from it?" I naively asked myself. In aproximatly 14 hours I found out. At work I was busy crunching some numbers when a line of customers came to the windows. I looked up from my work to find myself gazeing dumb-struck at the very same face I had viewed online the night before. I merely sped through the transaction and sent her on her way, as most of my mental capacity was focused on bowel control. I could tell from her awkward and tense mannerisms that she felt about the same way about the situation. The interaction was all of fifteen seconds, but seemed to last an eternity. Most of my friends sympathize with me and the extreme awkwardness of the situation. One though, calls it fate. She's berated me for not cracking wise or dropping one of my signature "gun-show" lines. I'm not sure. I'm just happy I didn't vomit.
There I go whining again. It ain't all bad. Life and times, I mean. I have been having my share of fun. Also got a bitchin' new tatoo. I have good friends, and my D&D characters are consistently a headache for my fellow players. (I emphasize the "roleplaying" part) I suppose life is good. Hell, it could be bushels worse.

Oh, yea. Special note to Mike and Kate. Expect to see "The Sordid Tale of Kitty and the Flame" within the week.

One More Straw

I am getting close to not wanting to bother with women at all. If it weren't for the nagging in my loins I believe I could completly write them off. Who am I kidding, I needs me a girl. They just need to stop being aliens and act in a logical manner.
The point! Yes, there is one. I went to Pete's Beaver Park Inn in scenic Rollinsville for the whole karaoke thing last night. I wanted to bad because last time I went, there was a girl who was very attractive and was shooting out some signals that she thought the same of me. Well, the place was near empty. Apparently there is a big to-do about some corpse in a freezer in Nederland this weekend. But eventually she showed.
Again, there were some glances shot back and forth, and she did the whole blushing school girl bit. I was plotting how to approach and lay the mack down when the lesbians showed. They were pretty cool folks, fun loving and singers to boot. Sadly, however, the girl I was contemplating became very friendly with one of the other girls. VERY friendly. Were talking holding hands and kissing. I'm pretty sure they were going out.

Son of a monkey! If only I were a lesbian. But, alas...

Girls are dumb. At least, the girls I don't know are. (Nice save, Laird.) (Thanks, Laird.)

The End of an Era

Tragically, The Arena is no longer doing karaoke on sunday. This upsets me, since myself and my posse have been loyal customers for nigh on 5 years now. Guess we'll have to take our business, and entertainment value, elsewhere. Bastards.
A depressing end to a depressing weekend. Oh well, times they are a changin', as the great bard Bob once said.

Hey Kids!

So, it's been a while, sorry for that. Don't really have a good reason. But I haven't vanished. Some of you, I'm sure, are cursing this fact.

But I have a reason for this post. I just posted a deal on my poems page that I want folks to read. It is a lame attempt at lyrics to a country song. And although I use the name Stephanie in it, I am fairly certain it is not a revenge fantasy. For one, it is complete fantasy as I have never robbed a bank. For two, folks who know me well enough know that every woman I've had sex with has been named Stephanie, pretty much making them now out of bounds. And for three, Stef is not quite the kind of girl to go spending winnings from said imaginary heist on cocaine ond mescaline. Come to think of it, neither am I. So if Stef happens to read this, I love you babe, and most definatly am not hunting you.

And to my mother, may I remind you this is fiction. Country is all about hard livin' and hard dyin'.

Anyway, enough with the disclaimer. Please check it out, and tell me what you think. Tell me good or bad things, you won't hurt my feelings. In fact, I encourage honest critique as this will aid in future endeavors.

In closing, enough monkies in a room together can write great poetry.

Men Are Pigs

It's true. If you don't believe me, you're living in a fantasy land. Say hi to Mr. Tumnus for me. Anyway, I got more proof of this this weekend.

It was a good weekend, all in all. Especially the night in question, Saturday. Went down town to Benders Tavern to see The Railbenders. Apparently the name is not coincidence since the bass player is part-owner of the bar. It was a kick in the pants, what a show! Went with Katie, Sean, Allyson, Amanda, and Bob. They had a good time too, I think. Anyway, they were hawking these beer-cozy deals at the bar, and one of the bartenders told Ally she could get two to "add padding." (Wink wink) There's some proof of men's swinly tendencies there, but the proof I speak of is coming.

So, Allyson was telling us this story, and as she was doing so, my eyes wandered. Here and there at first, but they stopped at her chest, just as she looked at me to see if I was paying attention. Well, I was, I guess. Just not in the way she was looking for. So, I've alienated one of my dearest friends. For this I am deeply sorry. Damn my wandering eyes!!!

She did say it wouldn't have been so awkward had it not been me. This makes me wonder if she still buys into the whole "Laird and Bob are boyfriends" thing.

Anyway, I'm a pig. Always will be. There's not an ass or rack that is safe from my ogling. Can't change me, just hope you all still love me.

This weekend was a decent one, besides the relapse I mean. Went to a cool concert, worked my tail off (always a source of amusment), and got a great late christmas present from Amanda. And Katie, presumably.

They'd told me I was getting this present, but not what it was. Well, Katie had let on that it was a t-shirt that was meant to be mine. Not just meant to be mine, but it would have "been a sin" for me to be without it. This of course peaked my interest, and I had been trying to figure out just what it could be.

For weeks I had to suffer the wondering, Katie had said this about the 2nd of december. Then, when the day of gifting rolled around I was told by Amanda that it had sold out. I would have to wait. But it would be worth it, she assured me.

And, by golly, it was. Just saturday night, she presented me with the shirt. And, friends, let me tell ya, it is the holy grail of corn ball shirts.

In large letters across the top it asks "Got your tickets?" And underneath "To the gun show" with arrows pointing towards my enormous howitzer arms. Ha! I love it! Katie was absolutly right, it is the best shirt ever! I was so dumbfounded when I laid eyes on it I could only exclaim "Fuggineh!"

So this is a bit of a thank you post, you guys rock.

In other news, whoever the annonymous gossip is need only wait a short bit longer for the story of the Unstable Kitty Breakup.

Well, Friday night I fell off the wagon. Yep, I smoked, sorry Ma. Smoked like a champ, too. Think I actually got a nicotine hangover. If you falling off the wagon, you should at least hurt yourself, right? Sounds catchy anyway, probably not too bright.

Getting back on now, though. Smoked all weekend and now it's time to get my shit together. So the clock resets at day 1. Here we are, day 1. Doot dee doo, keepin my mind on other stuff so it ain't on cigare... hey look, a wird piece of paper that kinda looks like honest Abe, dee dee.

Yep, He's Bitchin Again

I'm alway's bitchin though. I walk down the street and people say "Wow! That guy's bitchin'!"
But anyway, was gonna bitch about my co-workers, but that might be getting old. You know I am not fond of their crankyness and negativity.

Am feeling extra naked today, like people can see my soul. I guess that's what this is for, and why I do it. Just need to get used to it. My poem page is the reason. Wearing my shit on my sleeve over there. It's out there for folks to make what they want with, for good or ill. If I don't get that shit outta me, it'll kill me. Big paradox there. Expose or die.

Sigh. At least it's friday.

Another thought

It's true, I do have them occasionally.

Anyway, if Anne Geddes is Satan, Tom Arma must be Azrael or Baal. So their not bugs, but they are still twisted abominations. It's true! Check out Baby Cthulhu and the Young Elders. Beware though. A failed sanity check may cause you to stab your eyes out like I did. I'm now typing this by smell alone.

Oh, wait. He does have bugs. How absolutly repulsive. I now believe ol' Tom has dethroned Anne as the Lord of Evil.

Day 5

I didn't think I would make it this far. I was thinking I would probably go a couple days and then give in. To cigarettes I mean. My friends are probably sick of hearing about, but this is kind of a big deal to me, so they'll have to deal. This has definatly been the most trying day of withdrawal so far. I don't know why, but I'm sure my co-workers have something to do with it. Had a manager breathing down my neck all morning, too. Fun stuff. Not just any manager either, this guy is like 3 managers down the revenue chain from the governor himself. Cripes! Curbed the urge with some fruit snacks. Those do ok, not quite a cigarette but tasty.
So I've beaten the demon back for another hour or two. I fear it will rise again, but I'll be ready. Ready enough I hope. Gah! I wanna kick things! It's ok, just chill there Laird.
But, kicking things would help...
Only for a while. Don't wanna swap smoke addiction for breaking stuff addiction.
But fruit snack addiction is ok?
For now. Not really destructive. We'll find something to ween you off those when the need arises. Whiskey, perhaps.

When I am Old

I shall wear purple. At least in my hair. That'll really freak out the whipper snappers when I'm screaming at them to get the fuck off my lawn!! And I'll use that f-word, too. None of this sensitivity to profanity that seems to plague the elderly of today, hell no. I'm gonna be a progressive geiser. And ornery. Think I'll make a bet with the other shmucks in the rest home to see how many bars I can get 86'd from in a year. Right now, that's not my style, but when I'm crotchety, look out.

Just a Thought...

But I'm pretty sure Anne Geddes is Satan. Who else would turn a healthy and beautiful human child into a twisted insectoid abomination?

Break

I'm on my cigarette break now, and instead of smoking I am eating a breakfast burrito and blogging about. I'm sure you would all love to know about my eggs, potatoes, and deliciously spicy green chili. You can even taste the love the lady who makes them puts in each burrito. I think it's love. Guess it might be cilantro.

Episode 5 of Saladfingers is worth a look. That toon keeps getting wierder. Gotta love it.

Mond-eh

Howdy folks! I am feelin pretty groovy this morning and I don't know why. The nicotine withdrawal is lightening up I guess, maybe. Hard to tell until its one of those moments when it's easy to tell. You know, I never want a smoke again until I narrowly escape death or something. The weekend had a little more blah in it than I was hoping for. Spent the whole time working pretty much, but so what. Saw good friends during and after that time working, and we had a good time comparing war stories. (Amanda and Bob are also quitting cigs)
Mondays usually intimidate me. They also tend to set the mood for the whole week. It's too early to tell for sure, but this has been a good one so far. I woke up on time, bright eyed and bushy tailed, went to the DMV for lisence plates and was the only customer there, (felt like I was in the freakin twilight zone) and still had time for breakfast. Woo hoo! Let's hear it for not going hungry! And it wasn't a hot dog or anything.
Yup, I think I will make it through today, and will even be able to appear interested when people tell me about the Broncos. Ah yes, I'll say, They are quite the sporting club, aren't they. Many wickets under their shortstops...