I Am an Evil Genius

Any simpleton can wallow in debauchery on new years eve. Simple minds out with simple friends hitting the simple town or attending a simple party drinking simple cocktails. I AM ABOVE THIS!! Whilst they are having simply a good time, I shall be taking advantage of their drunken vulnerability, exploiting their ale-sent generosity by offering a prize no drunk can resist. A prize that comes complete with a handsome, grease soaked cardboard display case. That steamy, cheese-laden ambrosia known as pizza.
And on the morrow, thanks to my sinister timing, the populace will be suffering from hang-overs and heart disease. In their weakened state they will not be able to fend off my awesome power! The world will be mine!
Have fun tonight, for tomorrow belongs to Laird!

Climbing Ladders and Rubbing Bellies

Last night was our weekly movie night. It was my turn and I picked Jacob's Ladder, a movie I'd seen a long time ago and remembered as being good and creepy. It wasn't as creepy as I remembered, though it did have it's moments of surreal horror. It was also fairly philosophical about the nature of the afterlife and the soul's preparation for departure.
According to the flick, it's the inability to let go of earthly wants that condemns you to hell, while accepting death with serenity and being able to leave all the things you had and people you know behind is the road to heaven. Kind of a buddhist way to look at it I suppose, sounds a lot like nirvana. Clinging to wants and memories, even the good ones, leads to eternal torment.
There's alot of stuff I want right now, mostly immaterial but I'd be lying if I said it all was, and if the golden b.b. found me tomorrow, I'm not sure how much of that I would be able to let go of. There's alot of life I have yet to experience, and most of it I could live a decent life without, but would I be ok knowing I would never get the chance? I can't really say, I don't count myself among the wise.
It's probably best to not dwell on it too much. That makes living not much fun. It would help to be able to live everyday like it was the last. Take chance's, get messy, insert additional cliche. If I don't live that way, I know there are many things I would never do, and would regret. I must do one of Laird's secret missions today, for I may never get the chance again.

Yep.

I hope you've enjoyed this bit of Kerouacian flow of thought.

Severing Back-monkies

You know those christmas gifts you get that you really don't fully appreciate until later? When I was a kid, I hated getting clothes, but came to like the warm socks when a cold day showed up. I love getting socks now, but it took a while to warm up to them when I was eight. Or when you get an unexpected CD that made you say "gee... thanks" only to have it be one of the more prized in your collection. Well I'm giving myself one of those this year, and it's going to take at least a couple of weeks, maybe longer, for me to fully appreciate it. I am giving myself the gift of a smoke-free me.
This will have to be a belated gift as my previous post probably points out, but before the end of the year, it will be mine. And this time I will not fail, for this time it is for myself and no one else. Trying to quit just because someone else wants you to doesn't really work. I wanted to make them happy, but couldn't do it because I didn't want it. Now it is for me and me only.
Gonna have company, too. Hopefully this will help, although being around other recovering addicts may fray a few nerves. But at least there will be folks I can relate to in my withdrawl.
This is it though. The time is now. Joe Camel will be out of my life forever. Even if I have to lock myself in a room with a bunch of soup and three buckets. But not, of course, without one last hit...

Tales of Interest

I promised myself that I would only do a post when I had something interesting to talk about, as if Santa-rants and speeding tickets are interesting. Well, this post is going to show the world, or the portion of it that reads my page, my ability to keep a promise, even to myself.
Almost ready for the holiday. Couple things left to get and I'm set. The hard part is finding something for my grandmother. She's flying in from Wisconsin to spend the holiday with us. Gotta get a couple things for friends, but it's the granny that's stressing me out. She's my last remaining G-parent, so I want it to be memorable.
Oh yea, and my brother's unstable ex is going to be there. I'm gonna need and extra cup of egg-nog for that. Making her a gift though, that's the kinda sappy shmuck I am. I will be pleasant and polite all night. I will be pleasant and polite all night.

Got Your Tickets?

I got mine. Well, just one. But let me tell ya, one's enough. It's a speeding ticket I got in the People's Republic of Boulder. A slight 10 mph over the limit is going to cost me 100 bucks. So I'm a little pissed at the man right now. Funny since I work for the man. Processing traffic tickets.

The Biggest Sell-out

I suppose we should all be used to people we respect selling themselves out by now. All the big athletes do it to supplement their modest incomes. Actors and musicians do it. Hell, even local news celebs do it occasionally. But there is one that puts my jockies in a bind more than all the others. I used to respect him immensly, but now it's all I can do to keep from vomiting every time I hear that fat man's name.
That's right. I'm here to accuse the big guy himself, Santa Claus, of being a disgusting sell-out. He used to be a symbol of charitable giving, now he is a symbol of Coca-Cola, and Best Buy, and Verizon Wireless. I guess it's not enough to be the spirit of giving, he's got to be the spirit of commercialism, too. Giving wasn't lining his wallet the way he would have liked.
Curse you, Claus! Have you no integrity? Have you no self worth? Think of the children! They need a selfless hero to look up to, not a product spokesman.
Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard. I'm sure the elven labor union has been on his back, and workers comp insurance has gotta take its toll. I hear those elven toy factories are death traps.
Still, he could be a little more choosey with which products he endorses. Maybe Slim Fast shakes, or Bally's Total Fitness, eh Fat Man? Let's send a possitive message here.
Gah! I am too filled with rage to type anymore!

Divine Comedy

Surfin around at work today I found a pretty cool site. Cheesy Jesus has alot of off the wall products depicting Haysoos, and christianity in general, in very humorous way including a " He is King" Christmas card with Him and Elvis. Good stuff. If you laugh, then I guess I'll see you in hell. Gonna be rough for you, too, since I got dibs on the top bunk.

Deep in the Hill Country

My roommate Betsy and I have come to an agreement. We do live in the mountains, though quite not as far in as the title of this post suggests. It is, however, far enough in to allow a mild sense of seclusion. We do feel removed enough from the claustrphobic city environ that we can be fairly uninhibited without fear of alarming any neighbors. We are, in a sense, becoming a little bit like hill billies.
We have kept quite a few of our more civilized luxuries. Betsy is still a lover of fine wines, cheeses, and the internet. I, on the other hand, am still enjoying a bit of the night life. We are, therefore, much too refined to be hill billies. We've agreed a much more appropriate term would be Mountain William. Pretty much a hill billy, but a little more sophisticated.

Attention philistines!!

As far as I know, I am the only one who really enjoys Zippy. I know there must be more, since it continues to be in syndication, and he's got a pretty sweet website, complete with a theme song. This baffles my friends and enemies alike. They never get it, and don't understand how I do.

The secret is knowing it is often not meant to be laugh-out-loud funny. There is sometimes a joke, not always in the last panel as with more conventional comics. Other times it is just nonsensical whimsey, not even meant to make any sense. I admire this.

To help my pals better understand Zippy, and thus better understand me, I offer up Bill Griffith's "How to Read Zippy in Five Easy Lessons." Right here.
Check it out, and quit your bitchin.

Down with Mondays!

Monday again. Ugh. Don't know what the deal is with them, it's just another work day. But every single one is like a huge ordeal. It doesn't help that we are sailing without a captain. The boss is out due to surgery and will be until January. Makes it an adventure I suppose. Sure do miss her, though.

Tracy is rather subdued today, that is a blessing. She usually has several outbursts of negativity a day. I'll be happy for that. Usually I put alot of energy into letting her shit fly by, today I can put it to other use.

Welcome to my world...

Howdy folks! This is the virgin post on the virgin blog of my life. I suppose this is where the internet edition of the story of my life is to unfold. But where to begin?

I suppose the best place to start is the recent events which have culminated in the creation of this page. I guess it starts with my divorce. Yep, I was married. For six years, the last two of which I spent trying to peel her away from EverQuest. She finally met somebody who scoured the EQ dungeons with her, an apparent necessity I could not help her with. She ended up decideing to leave me for this guy. She now lives in Arizona with him. I guess she deserves kudos for realizing she wasn't giving me what I needed, and going after what she did, whatever that's worth. I'm actually glad she did.

So now I'm a free man. I'm able to do what I want, when I want, completly guilt free. This has mostly been hanging with the people who really care about me, and honing my karaoke skills. Stick with what makes you happy, right? Bob's pretty much there with me for the karaoke. It's funny the way he sings the White Stripes followed directly by Johnny Cash or Hank Williams Jr. One of his roomies, Sean, comes along now and then. He doesn't sing much. I think he gets some kind of sadistic pleasure in watching us make asses out of ourselves.

I'm rambling, aren't I. Anyway through these guys I know Amanda and Katie. The are the blogger bunnies. I've checked their pages out here and there. The way they do their posts, it seems like they've found a good place to vent what's bugging them, share what makes them happy, and just kind of keep a running commentary of their lives. Katie asked me yesterday why I hadn't read her blog in a while, and said I should as there were brand spanking new posts. She also wanted a link to my site to put on there, and was apalled that I didn't have one. So here you go. This one's for you, Katie.

I will now end this post before it gets too long and uninteresting. Until next time, Laird out.