Some anonymous quidnunc (thank you word-a-day calendar) wanted to know the story of the break up between my beloved bro and his chemically imbalanced former mate. This is a bizarre story and therefore requires an illustration. It depicts said former mate teamed up with a creature summoned from the depths of hell (it is common knowledge that succubi are able to summon other demons to their aid) striking down their mortal enemy, Reason. A beer-swilling bystander, unaware of the gravity of the situation, makes a silly pose for the camera. He was later disemboweled.
I will relay this yarn as best I can. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Lance McStudly's brother, from here out known as "The Flame", met Kitty through his mother who knew her from work. Kitty was a nice girl at first glance, and fairly fun to hang out with. She liked to smoke, enjoyed a joke, and wouldn't get a bit upset if she were really broke. Even after she began relaying information about her several ailments, much too much information, she still seemed a fun girl.
The Flame really took a liking to her, and they began dating. He told Lance all about the freaky monkey sex they had, and that she was likely to be "the one." He had said this before, so Lance harbored a bit of skepticism, yet tried to support his brother. It wasn't long before Kitty and The Flame, in what certainly was a neurotic fit of dementia, moved in together.
This is when things began to go...awry. From the moment Kitty and her seventeen feline companions set foot in la casa del Fuego, they began to gripe about their medical and social problems, claw at the furniture, and pee on things. Well, to be honest, not all seventeen cats were into peeing. It took only 4 months for the Flame to decide that he had, perhaps, made a very big mistake.
Following his epiphany, or perhaps blinding glimpse of the obvious, The Flame made the wise decision to exclude Kitty from his exploits, and they moved into separate places. The Flame stayed in town, and Kitty moved back to her hometown of Milwaukee. Then back to town. Then back to Milwaukee. She repeated this, cats in tow, at least once more, and then vanished from the lives of Lance and The Flame.
It didn't take long for The Flame's life to return to normalcy. He was able to enjoy this for 18 months. Then the calls began, and the poison that flowed from the telephone reciever into his ear tainted his thoughts with images of bliss with Kitty once again at his side. Oh, and also images of freaky monkey sex. And so, despite Lance's protestations, Kitty waltzed back into The Flame's apartment, and the horror began again, kindled by her familial tensions and unemployment.
The following three months are near indescribable. The were two parties where, after consuming too much alcohol, she seemed to go to great lengths to humiliate Lance and alienate his friends. The second was far more gradiose and resulted in the second, and much more dramatic, breakup. This involved The Flame locked out of his apartment by Kitty. He was able to get in that night, but ended up moving in with Ma and Pa until Kitty got her ass in gear and got out on her own. Very messy.
This is, so far, where it ends. She completly disappeared for nearly a year, but recently has made disturbing appearances at Lance's and The Flame's favorite haunts. She may even be stalking The Flame. Perhaps she should be called The Moth. And so there may be more to come...
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