Once again...

I think I'll be doing this more often now. After all, my therapist says it's good for me, and I guess I have a lot to say. Like I fucked your mom. Just kidding, ask your sister.

Things are different than they've been before. For one, I'm in therapy. Guess that's not all bad. I kind of need it. I'm also driving an older car than I ever have before. I think I might keep buying old, too, since every time I get something new vehicle wise I smash it. Got a steady girl, which is nice, but confusing.

There's more, but I'm busy. Look for more soon.

I haven't updated in more than a year!!

I know, I am shitty. At least I don't care about being shitty all that much. I'll try and be a little more active with this in the future. I'm pretty sure writing regularly is good for you, not that I big on good for you stuff, unless it's Guiness.

So, please expect more, and continue to check this page now and then. Here's a picture of a pweshus puppy to keep you coming back.

It's my mother's dog. It's probably 2 years old now and weighs like a pound and a half. It's name is Colossus.

Livin' La Vida Loca

I'm starting a new roleplaying game! Woo! That's how great my life is! Maybe in this one, I'll get a date. That doesn't happen all the time, but it does occasionally. Ah, fantasy.
On a similar note, Ben should check out SA's take on one of the Dragonlance books. He'll either laugh, or beat me up.

The Big 666 Letdown

So, as everybody knows, Tuesday was June 6, 06-06-06, Satan's day. It was a little exciting for me. Bookies were giving 10-1 odds the apocalypse would happen. That's what excited me most. My head was filled with visions of a post apocalyptic wasteland, and I was gazing upon it from my mountain fortress. I have one! It's true, ask anyone! I couldn't wait to blast my way through zombie hordes, scoop up Dream Girl, and whisk her away to said fortress, a safe distance from the horror that the metro sprawl had become. This is my twisted fantasy, so I know she'd agree. Besides, what's she supposed to do, sit around and wait to be overcome by throngs of shambling undead? That, or be enslaved by Lord Humongus and his gang of chaps-wearing punk rock warriors. Together, we'd hide in the mountains, occasionally coming out to pick at the carcass of Denver.

But none of that happened. Wednesday came, and I didn't get to smash zombies on the way to work. Things just happened the way they always do. How very dull. I'm not a warrior in an armageddon nightmare world, Dream Girl remains just that, and, perhaps most disappointingly, there are no zombies. I suppose I will learn to deal.

I need to get one of these for work

But I got a part time job that rules. I'm a karaoke DJ. That's tits!

Oh yea...tits.

A (young) teen in a spa is like a kid in a candy store

The title, I think, deserves an explanation. This post was going to be titled "As Promised" referring to the previous entry's boast of an upcoming post. But when I punched the "A" in, that sentence was suggested by the computer. It was too delightfully random to pass on.

Anyway, down to business. I'm watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." I have to admit, I love this movie, however, the last time I watched it I was left at the end feeling exceptionally lonely. It is such a moving relation ship story that really hit home for some reason, even though I've never erased the memory of a past relationship. Well, not without some help from my "friends." You know, Jack, Jim, and Mary J. But this time it's got me thinking. It's easy to become cynical about romance. When it's absent you want nothing else, and then it shows up and it's a big pain in the ass. I think. Maybe. It's been a while, maybe I've forgotten. Anyway, I'm in the former category at the moment, and cripplingly shy. So meeting females is a bit of a challenge, particularly when I find them attractive. A nice looking girl with blue hair and I cannot utter a syllable.
So I've become a bit of a distant observer. Hey, what red blooded American male doesn't enjoy a bit of girl watching. With said sociological activities I begun to notice a bit of a disturbing pattern. Women seem to gravitate towards the kind of guy that I am not. I'm not saying I'm a bad guy, in fact, that's just the issue. Girls like "bad guys." At least, girls I'm attracted to do. And so, I've compiled a list. It is a list of things I could "improve" to increase my chances of attracting a mate. Maybe I can even help some of you other guys find love. Just obey the list. It is as follows...

1. I have a job. I don't know what it is about being attached to anyone who needs you to buy everything for them, perhaps the motherly instinct, but chicks seem to dig it.
2. I am not addicted to cocaine, methamphetamines, heroine, or any other substance more hardcore than nicotine. Perhaps this is the mother thing again, or just some desire to be a psychic Bob Villa and do a "fixer-upper."
3. I bathe regularly. I suppose this must wash away my natural pheromones. Chicks dig guys who are dirty.
4. I care, at least somewhat, about the way I look in public. If you want to impress the ladies, you have to go around in sweatpants and Big Johnson t-shirts. Butt-wiser is just as good.
5. Does gross facial hair fall into number 4? I think it deserves its own entry. I need to either stop shaving altogether, or just grow a goatee like a foot and a half long. Sexy.
6. I am not in a gang. Big turn on, apparently. I can see how having a lot of money can do it for ya, but I don't get how being shot at does anything. Endorphines, maybe.
7. Teeth. I've got those. Too bad for me, eh?
8. I don't wear makeup to make me look dead. Corpses get girls, apparently.
9. Oh yea, I need piercings. In my face. Lots of 'em. Those make ladies get all up ons.
10. All decent lists have at least ten things.

There you have it. The key to romantic success. If you want to get laid, simply OBEY the LIST. From Littleton, this is Laird.

Ok, so I haven't really done a real update in a while. So sue me.

Just kidding, it's brewing, I'm just in a bit of a creative slump, I guess. Once the chaos simmers down a bit, I'll have a big, fat, steaming post for ya.

'Til then, Nay Jabba No Bodda!

Hey, Bastards!

I have nothing to say, for I am mourning the loss of ignorance. Truth is painful and my sanity is blasted.

Went to the art museum today with my sister and my cousin Jenni. It was pretty cool, until everybody else showed up, crying children and the elderly with younger relatives there to tell them "This is a picture of a prairie." Dr. Pretentious was there staring for long minutes through Black Flies at abstract still life. I was especially moved by the landscapes. I loved all the activity in Dawn of Arcadia, and was nearly choked by Monet's smoky depiction of Waterloo Bridge, hazy foreground with a barely visible industrial skyline.

It's good for the soul, I think. I want to drink in every detail, feel how the bare feet meet the sand of the shore, smell the incense in Spanish monasteries, taste the breeze through autumn poplars.

Everyone should go. It's free on Saturday. Show up early.

Old School

All I have to say is Heck Yea!! Freakin brought me to tears! Sigh, I'm old.

Skirting the Wasteland

Feeling out my new digs, I went walking today. Not much of a trek, maybe a mile, but enough of a journey to experience the blight at my doorstep. Inviting colors drew me towards it, the air thick with the sounds of urban traffic. Smells of coffee and fried delicacies swept the streets carried by the afternoon breeze. And before I realized it, I was face with a hell of Dantean proportions. I gawked as zombies crept along the sidewalks clutching paper sacks from Guess and Aeropostale. I shuddered as devils peddled happiness served in Starbucks cups. I gaped in horror as brooding suburban teens smoked cigarettes outside the Lucky Strike Bowling Alley. This, my friends, is the pit of trendiness known as Bel Mar.

Located in the heart of Lakewood, and two blocks from my place, the Bel Mar is a place where well to do people take their well to do families to drown their sorrows in an orgy of commercialism. The can buy their cell phones, jewelry, hip threads, and space age toys. And when they are overcome with the shopping frenzy, they can refresh and refuel at any of a number of pricey restaurants, washing down their fatty meats (or more likely asian chicken salads with pesto and raspberry vinagrette) with grande iced machiattos, reenergizing for yet another thrust into store-bought ecsatsy. Once their thirst for trinkets is slated, they will return once more to their luxurious tombs to open their Prada and leave cans filled with packaging on the curb.

It is a flashy concrete desert, and is still under construction. I suppose I shall tolerate it. It should raise the price of my condo nicly.

I'm not so sure I should even post this

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

"How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

This one's for my bro. Happy wedding no. 2!

So, how's my Sinead costume? I decided against a dress. I'm sure this makes you sad. Get over it.

I think the world would be a better place if only it had more cowbell.

I just love interesting graffiti. This is on a truck trailer near my place.

I used it to try out the mobile blog dealy. I can now blog on the go! Whoopee!

I stole this from some hoser. Start at 1 and put a number next to each movie you've seen. I guess if you get to 70, you have no life. I got to 80. How sad.






(1) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(2) Grease
(3) Pirates of the Caribbean
(4 ) Boondock Saints
( ) The Mexican
(5) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(6) Neverending Story
(7) Blazing Saddles
(8) Airplane
(9) The Princess Bride
(10) Young Frankenstein
(11 ) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
(12) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Saw
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
(12) Jason X
( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(13) American Pie
(14) American Pie 2
(15) American Wedding
(16) Harry Potter
(17) Harry Potter 2
(18) Harry Potter 3
( ) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(19) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(20) Donnie Darko
( ) Lilo & Stitch
(22) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) 13 Ghosts
(23) Signs
( ) The Grinch
(24 ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original)
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) Thirteen Going on 30
(25) I, Robot
( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(26) Universal Soldier
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
(27) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(28 ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
(29) Halloween
(30) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
(31) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(32) Practical Magic
(33) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(34) From Hell
(35 ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(36) I Am Sam
(37) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
(38) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(39) Nightmare on Elm Street
(40) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(41) Seven
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(41) Predator I
(42) Predator II
(43) Independence Day
(44) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(45) Christine
(46) ET
(47) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(48) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways (49) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(50) Forrest Gump
(51) Big Trouble in Little China
(52) X-Men
(53) X-2: X-Men United
(54) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(55) Catch Me If You Can
(56) The Others
( 57) Freaky Friday (the original)
(58) Reign of Fire
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
(59) Old School
( ) Ray
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(60) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(61) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(62) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
( ) Hitch
(63) The Fifth Element
(64) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(65) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(66) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(67) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(68) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(69) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi
(70) Troop Beverly Hills
(71) Swimming with Sharks
(72) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(73) Trainspotting
(74) People Under the Stairs
(75) Blue Velvet
(76) Sound of Music
(77) Parent Trap 1 (the original)
(78) Parent Trap 2
(79) The Burbs
(80) The Terminator
( ) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black

Holy Hometown, Batman!

Today's Zippy is in Denver! That big bear peers into the convention center downtown! How exciting is that?!?!

Ah, Whimsy!

I must say I am greatly amused by Babelfish. As I may have said before, it's alot of fun to put some english text in, tranlate it to japanese, and then back into english. The results have been consistantly strange and hilarious. In a wierd way. Well, it cracks me up, which may not do anything for anybody else acording to certain friends of mine. But I have decided, mostly out of boredom, to share this with you. I present to you the entire tale of Kitty and The Flame as translated by Babelfish.




As for anonymous quidnunc you thought that (the calendar of word day thank you) bro of my most love and that we would like to know the story of the being broken eye between the companion before the imbalance chemically. Therefore this the queer story, requires the example. As for that the enemy of their non- 倶 戴 heaven, the hell where it strikes under the reason (as for that the common knowledge that is) succubi can call the other ogre to their help, the companion before the earlier description which creative ones which are called from depth is united is described. The beer swilling bystander who does not become aware in gravity of state makes the foolish attitude for the camera. As for him afterwards disemboweled.

In order I am best and for I to be able to do, this yarn is sent with relay. The name which is in order to protect the innocent person changed.

The sibling of McStudly of the spear from here being known, through that mother who knows her from work as "the flame" met to the kitty. The kitty first the girl it is good at first glance, and fairly was the pleasure which should pass the time. She when so it is really broken it is, joke being enjoyed, likes the fact that it inhales the tobacco, the ひ っ chestnut does not obtain the bit in order to return. She still started sending information and many many items of information pleasantly concerning her plural diseases which are the girl straw raincoat like her even afterwards with relay.
The flame took the taste really in her, those started entering date. As for him those had, when that she truth seems "with 1 year old. It was the spear and "concerning the characteristic of the whimsical monkey completely he said before this, therefore the fact that the spear barely hides skeptical theory, however supports that sibling was tried. As for that the kitty or the flame as for directly neurosis conformity of dementia it was not moved to those which are certain, together before.
This is when thing... starting to keep being warped. When the house del of La Fuego is placed, you grasped from the friend feet of the kitty and her 17 cat courses concerning their medical science, and social problem pulled tore with the furniture and, started urinating with thing. It was good, the honest place, everything which is not 17 cats it was in peeing. He, only 4 months for flame took that in order to decide that the perhaps, very large mistake was made.
Clear, in another place, and that epiphany after those, perhaps it becomes the blind person to exclude the kitty from that skill weaving/grade of the flame which in wise decision was made it moved at first glance. The flame was restricted to town, the kitty returned to her home of Milwaukee. Then support in town. Then support in Milwaukee. She this, repeated the cat, at least, once more and disappeared next from life of the spear and the flame.
Between life of the flame you did not take that long in the return to normalcy. He could enjoy 18 monthly this. Then the call started, that thought of image of happiness of the kitty was infected once more with that side depending upon the poison which flowed from telephone reciever to that ear. Characteristic of the whimsical monkey well and image. And so, even in the statement of the spear in spite, as for the kitty as for waltzed and fear, it started for the second time in the apartment of the flame by her familial tension and unemployment being burnt.
As for the next 3 months there is the vicinity of indescribable. After consuming many alcohol, giving humiliation to the spear, keeping distance that friend, were 2 parties in the kind of place which goes to the length where she is splendid. As for 2nd rather than being distant, many gradiose and, and originating in dramatic 2nd greatly, destruction. This included the flame which Kitty tightened from that apartment. He the night, being finished in regard to the movement from Ma and Pa to the kitty, her of the gear is slow, you obtained, but know crossing you inserted with her monopolized ones. It came very, it is not.

This is in the place where it ends, for the present. She went out almost 1 year completly, but recently you show the face of disturbance with the spear, commute the taste of the flame. Perhaps her hang on in the flame. Perhaps, she should call the moth. Perhaps and so... there are many which come...



Ha ha! That shit's funny, isn't it, Sean?